House Guest

Meet Araggog, a spider friend who has occupied the window outside my office since I moved to this house. For several weeks now, I thought he was dead because I haven't seen him move from the corner of the window. But today he crept out to catch and wrap up some lunch. He's probably some kind of nasty, poisonous spider that will bite me in my sleep, causing me to loose useful appendages, but he's a great form of entertainment when I'm sitting in front of the computer. Well, spacing out in front of the computer. I'll introduce you to him next time you visit.


Oldie but Goldie

Since it is winter break, and I actually have time to do such things, I'm in the process of deleting old crap off of my computer. By crap, I mean snippets of old college projects, photos that can be stored on CD, and other such hard-drive crowders. While doing this, I came across a guest commentary I wrote for the Oregon Daily Emerald in April 2002, my first year at UO. I thought I'd post it for fun. Here's a little game: While you read, try to figure out which part is no longer true.

ODE Guest Commentary
April 11, 2002

In the last week, a cell-phone has rung in almost every class I have attended. Rather than chastising students for this intrusion, most of my professors simply cringe their way through the ringing, grateful when they can go on with their instruction. As this technology continues to develop and cheapen, hard-working, tuition-paying students will continue to be disrupted and disrespected by the inconsiderate few who must, for some reason, be reached via cell phone while in class.

I, for one, would never be caught dead carrying a cell because I’m one of a dying class of people who doesn’t want to be reached at all times. But no one needs to be reached in the middle of class, nor should any serious student want to be. But despite the lack of necessity for such a device, most people will argue that hey “need” their phone with them at all times for reasons that vary in legitimacy. Needing to be reached by children is an acceptable justification, whereas needing to be in constant communication with the girlfriend on whom you recently cheated doesn’t really hold weight.

Since there are no laws against cell phone usage, I can not judge the validity of your reasoning. Therefore, I propose the following rules of cellular phone etiquette on campus:

1) Turn your cell phone off when you enter a class room. At the very least, put it on the vibrate setting. Class is completely disrupted when your phone rings to the tune of “Big Pimpin’” six times before you find it buried in the bottom of your back-pack.

2) Do not use your phone in an area where everyone is silent . . . except for you, who decided to have loud a conversation with your grandmother (You know who you are, Grandma’s boy).

3) Do not make your private conversations public. Cell phone users often force others to eaves-drop on your weird conversations.

Furthermore, shifting focus to professors, I would encourage instituting a zero-tolerance policy on cell phone usage in your class, warning that the owners of ringing cell phones will be asked to leave your class for the day. Or perhaps you could start every lecture with a movie-theatre style message asking students to turn off all electronic devices. Ridiculous times call for ridiculous measures.

With a technology as new as this one, it is hard to know where appropriateness lies, so I will forgive you cell-phone junkies for your lack of respect for me, my peers, and our teachers. However, if we are to keep the lines of normal, face-to-face communication open and genuine, we can’t continue to ignore the intrusion of these devices into our daily lives. I urge the University to enforce guidelines similar to mine in order to preserve its quality of education. For the time being, cell users, please perpetuate good will and academic success by using your cell phone politely.


Dear Santa Mad Lib

Santa ClausNorth Pole, Earth
Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl.

It really wasn't my fault what happened at Liz's Office party. It was Phaedra who spiked the punch with too much Earl. I can't help it if I drank 4 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like funk.

I thought it was funny when I put Patrick's thong on my head and danced the Chicken Dance on the foot stool while singing `Love Shack'. I didn't mean to break Liz's Laptop and don't know why Liz would accuse me of purgery.

I don't remember calling John's wife a vocal rooster---even though she looked like one with beige eye shadow and magenta lipstick!

And when I threw up on Ally's husband's ass cheek, it was only because I ate too much of that enchillada.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my school bus through my neighbor's closet. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a swirly kitty cat and have me arrested for grand theft auto!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all excentric and absurd. And I'm really not to blame for any of this mezmerizing stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and uniquely yours,
Sara (Really a nice girl!)

P.S. It's only 13 bucks!

If you want to do the mad-lib yourself with different words, click here.



Part-time Drunk at 5am

I teach your children. Posted by Picasa

Well, here I am once again, proving to the community that I am an upstanding member of society, fullly competent to take care of its children. At least I'm only a weekend drunk. And a once-a-month weekend drunk at that. Except December. Oh, and maybe January. Not to mention all three summer months. Okay, so I'm a not-every-weekend drunk.

Phaedra's end of term party was fun. The PBR flowed, and so did the uninhibited stupid comments. I usually get up at 6am every day, so it's pretty funny that we stayed up until 5 in the morning. I have no clue what we were doing for that long. Something to the effect of what is pictured in this post.

Ah well, time to stop being a drunk and get back to school, my full time job. I hope to see many lovely people at the Eugene party this weekend.

Love and drunken comments.